Slipping into negative thinking.

I’ve been cycling lately between confidence and an enjoyable “okayness” with life and crying spells and negativity. I was doing well today until I found out that my grade of 91.5% on a recent essay assignment was significantly lower than the classmates who I spoke with today. I had been a little surprised when I first got my grade back, but decided that she must just be a hard grader and chalked it up to that, assuming the rest of the class received similarly harsh point deductions. 

Then two of my classmates who I recently did a group presentation with for the same class told me their grades: a 94% and a 96%. Knowing something of their abilities based on our group work together, it was hard for me to believe that my work had been shoddier than theirs. I satisfied all the requirements of the assignment. 

What also annoyed me was the one who got a 96% (who doesn’t even know how to do proper APA citations and made me do hers for our group assignment) said she expected a good grade because she knows she’s a good writer. I’m sorry, I have an M.A. in English and have actually *taught* composition courses. I like to think I’m a pretty decent writer.

This is just so annoying. This is the second course I’ve had while in grad school for social work where I felt unfairly graded. 

It’s hurtful, really. I guess that’s mostly why it’s upending my decent mood: it hurts my gd feelings. 😦 

I sent an e-mail to the instructor, so we’ll see what she says. 

All I can do is manage my reaction, change what I can, and let go of the rest. I’m having trouble letting go, though.

I find myself caught between feeling I need to accept the situation and feeling like I should never accept being treated unjustly. 

I cannot put my finger on what it is exactly, but something is not right here. In class she asked me if I had an undergraduate degree in English because I had a creative writing style, which she says was a good thing. Then in her comments on the graded paper, she used the same as reasoning *against* me. 

So is it good, or is it bad? 

And if my essay addressed all the criteria we were asked to meet, why did my writing style matter either way???


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